Well sorry to scare you on the first chapter but just wanted to give you a sample of my thoughts and actions throughout my life.
Well let’s talk more about me, I moved here a few years ago and barely have a group of people that I call friends. I am new to the area and try to keep most of my close associates around.
This next day I woke up and went to work, feeling great from this past weekend: went to a baby shower to support. I created a box of baby items but decorated the tote so she can also use it in the future! My new way of making party gifts! She loved it and enjoyed myself.
Well Today started off as a normal day went to work as usual but something changed. I went in my phone and contacted an individual that I shouldn’t even give the time of day to. Asking for closure but told me
“You need to stop asking the same questions”
“Move on”
“Why are you doing this”
I am just thinking to myself I never got closure and can’t move on when I hear different reasonings why we departed. Back in my head I was thinking
“What I do wrong”
“Was I not good enough”
“But I did everything you wanted and gave you everything you wanted out of a women”
“Do I not look good enough”
“Is it someone else?”
So many more, but i took it to heart. I felt used I felt unwanted I felt alone. So i cried in the car, barely holding myself together trying to focus on this 30 miles to home.
Don’t Cry Eliza
I called my female friend and let her know I had to cancel our gym plans that day. My emotional self posted a facebook post, PLEASE NEVER USE SOCIAL MEDIA AS A VENTING LOCATION!
I turned my phone off and turned my security cameras off and moved to my tub. Cried alone holding myself. Having horrible thoughts going through my head. I wanted to kill myself didn’t want to be bothered just wanted my pain to go away.
Don’t Die Eliza
I gained a migraine from crying so much — I could of filled my tub with my tears. So I held myself and went to sleep, hopefully I can wake up and move on from this.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
I Didn’t hear anything
*BANG BANG*
I got up from me passing out and went to the door no one was there. I turned my phone back on and saw missed calls, voicemails and messages. Found out that someone that I am friends with on social media called the police because they were nervous from my post. I was too late to tell them don’t.
The cops and social media friend ended up at my door. I sat down rubbing my head like WTF, but still filling the migraine like I had a hangover.
Cop: “Do you know where you are?”
Me: “YES”
Cop: “Why did you turn security system off”
Me: “Didn’t want to be disturbed by my mother”
Cop: “Why did you ignore your friends and family calls”
Me: “Just wanted to be alone”
Cop: “Have you taken any drugs”
Me: “No”
Cop: “Why is this bleach on the table”
Me: “Trying to wash clothes”
Cop: “Did you have thoughts of hurting yourself”
I paused and thought do I say the truth – it was just a thought but myself was not thinking straight I just want to go back to sleep and get everyone out the house. So you guessed it I said “Yes” I am thinking I can answer the questions and go back to bed. But that’s not the case
Cop: “Well I think you should come with us to get checked out”
I am thinking that we going to the hospital to get a physical and bounce. So yes I agreed.
Grabbed my personal items and hopped in the vehicle. During the whole police conversation I was in the room with my social media friend and my mom on the phone. But I was texting the person that made this story start. Why would I think he would answer my calls or text when I’m in need when they left me in person when I needed them the most feeling weak and stressed and crying on the floor. Friends my Ass!
I get in the cop car, they asking me do I rent, where I work and etc. NOISY!
I get to the hospital and we go through a different entrance and not emergency. The lady was not asking me any questions just want my name and birthdate. Dismissed me to the back while the cops and this stranger answer questions for me and about me. I don’t understand.
I got taken to the back, they tell me to take my clothes off and place them in a bag along with my phone and wallet. Told me to write down some numbers I might need.
At this point I’m so confused I went through so many ER exchanges and this was out of the ordinary. I followed the instructions and then I’m sitting in a cold seat hungry and tired. I glanced at a room with individuals that look mentally unstable. So I’m confused like I think I’m in the wrong section
Then the nurse said follow me and we went through the same doors. I asked to use the phone and call my mom and the nurse said no there is only one phone for everyone to use. So I was thinking with my mind at the moment, well I’m out of state will this land line call it she said no so they let me use a different one.
I called my mom and told her everything along with my brother. I asked the nurse when the doctor was coming in to check on me so I can head home and head to work tomorrow.
I have so much to do and planned this weak and the last thing I need is my boss thinking I stood him up.
The nurse told me “ma’am I can tell you haven’t been here before, but she said you can’t leave until the doctor approves you and he won’t be in until tomorrow. ”
Welcome to the Insane Asylum!
Lights out!
Good Night Eliza!
Meaning Behind Your Smile 