After eating lunch, I spoke with the nurse and asked am I able to get new socks or clothes so I can freshen up.
Nurse: Let me find your chart. It says here that you are in the wrong color, do you know why they provided you with red socks.
I told her no that’s the one they gave me when I first came to the hospital.
Nurse: Well, I have been observing you for a day now so I think they have this wrong
What do the socks mean, If you don’t mind me asking
Nurse: (whispers) Well each color has different meanings and Red is the worst color to have they will think you are in danger to others or can’t take care of yourself. So I will get you Yellow so they can lay off of you a little bit
Thank you so much!
In my head, I was thinking why would they treat anyone differently in the worst way while they are “suppose to be getting help” here. I don’t think this is helping someone mentally. I have to get out of here ASAP
I went to the bathroom to relax my nerves as much as possible and freshen up. We didn’t have showers so I had to clean myself up in the sink. That made me think about how did they clean up my bunkmate that had peed on herself. Let me focus so I can get out before the security guard comes back.
I left the bathroom and walked towards my bed and the nurse came by and said my name and this other girl’s name (Anna) for departure. They told us that the escorts will be here soon for discharge. We were looking at each other with excitement like we were getting out of here and going home. Then we started talking about food, and each other. She told me restaurants that I have never heard of so I wrote them down to take with me.
While waiting patiently I ask the nurse that help me before if they had paper or pencils so I can draw.
Nurse: since this is a mental hospital we can’t provide sharp objects so we have crayons that you can use.
I was like great something I can use to free my mind a little bit. Once someone saw me get the items, they thought they were treating me differently because someone else asked for something to do and they couldn’t even give them a magazine. I said we can share the items, I didn’t want to cause any issues because once the nurse told me the meaning behind the colored socks, I was trying to protect myself as much as possible.
We started coloring and drawing and people were coming to my end of the room asking me to draw things for them. I said sure it was something simple like Mickey Mouse. Instead of drawing for them, I taught the one girl that was leaving too (Anna) how to draw Mickey Mouse. I didn’t want to become overwhelmed drawing for everyone so, then I would lose the enjoyment of it. I love to teach so I thought I could use this opportunity to bring this out of me the best way I can.
She looked at me with the biggest smile possible
Anna: thank you for teaching me I always wanted to learn how to draw
You are welcome I am not the best but I just let my creativity come out and see what it produces. You should do the same you never know you might love it.
The escorts were coming and I am thinking we are leaving to go home. I said am I able to call someone to pick me up. They expressed to me that I wasn’t going home I was just getting discharged from this hospital to another one. So they came in with two ambulance beds and handcuffed me. We were strapped tight to the bed and then they placed our bags on the back of our beds. My smile earlier went to a frown real fast. I didn’t want to cry and show I am weak in front of these people. So we arrived at the ambulance, but I saw Anna with her phone talking to her family and I asked can I see mines and they told me no. Then I said why? Anna has her phone and able to talk to her peoples, all I want to do is call my mother and let her know that I am being transferred.
Constantly saying no and then told me there will be a phone that you can use when we get to the hospital. Then when they slammed the back door on me I looked down at my feet and realized I forgot to change my F**k’n Socks!!!
Now I see why I was treated differently with the handcuffs and not being able to use my phone.
Meaning Behind Your Smile 