We arrived at the hospital and I am still strapped to the bed. I asked kindly can I get out of the handcuffs, because I felt it was unnecessary to have both straps and handcuffs. The lady from the transportation company said we are just following protocol, and I told her you can check my profile and see I don’t need this type of treatment. Then I brought up Anna not having the same treatment as me. She brought up these ugly socks, and I told her they were supposed to get me some different color socks because they ran out of the correct color socks I was supposed to wear.
She finally looked at my file and said I will let you loose so you can feel comfortable. I am thinking it was going to be completely off the bed but I thought wrong. So she took the handcuffs off and I felt a little civilized. I asked can I use my phone while I wait for check-in and she said No, now you are pushing it.
I am thinking in my head:
- Why does Anna get to have special treatment?
- What did I do to deserve this treatment?
- Is she someone special?
- Is God punishing me?
- Do I deserve this? I think I do.
I was finally next to check in to the new hospital. The nurses asked me for all my personal information and were evaluating me. Then they said we have the perfect floor for you. I don’t if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Then I noticed I was following Anna to the same floor and so because she was treated like a queen coming in I thought I was going to somewhere decent at least. Shoot they might have stopped at a Burger King or something on the way here since we arrived at the same time and we left around 30 mins after them.
So I finally got to hold my items and see my phone because I wanted to write down phone numbers to call people and check to see if my security system was on at home ETC. While I was looking through my phone since they gave me 5 minutes. I saw tons of text messages from loved ones with encouragement. I think looking at them pushed me forward and put a little hope. But I saw a few messages from the girl that placed me in here and apologizing, then my mood switched up real quick and didn’t want to continue reading this.
The worker gave me a new wrist band, and I asked can we get visitation here? She said yes but only on Sunday and Tuesday. I was like well damn, today is Tuesday so I got excited but visitation is around noon. and it was 6 PM. There was no hope for me. I heard a TV and saw people walking around and watching us get checked in. So this was a little community.
When it was my turn to get checked out by the nurses, they took me in the bathroom and told me to strip, we have to inspect your body. I was confused because this female just kept staring at me like I was a piece of meat. So I went into the bathroom started to close the door and she slammed her hand on the door and said no we need this opened. I gave her this ugly look, and said well I need to use the restroom. She said hurry up.
I am already insecure about myself especially my body so now I have to strip naked in front of someone I barely know. She definitely didn’t make this situation comfortable and she didn’t care. She was so mean and demanding.
Mean Nurse: Hurry up we have to finish this evaluation
Give me one second
Eliza try not to cry and be strong soon this will be over.
I opened the door slowly like I was selling my body to someone. and I was covering myself the best way I can. It was freezing and you can see all my goosebumps and nipples poking out. So I kept my hand on my breast and then she told me to keep my hands to the side. I just left my head down and they were writing on a pad. What are they writing?
Mean Nurse: Turn around! — *Whispers* write this scar and bump
Why are they examing my body and touching me
Mean Nurse: What is this? — as she touches me on my butt
Those are dimples
Mean Nurse: Why do you have them there?
I didn’t answer
Then she touched me on my scars and they were in the most inappropriate places possible.
Mean Nurse: Are these stretch marks?
I didn’t answer
Mean Nurse: Well we are done. you have a nice shape body are you athletic.
I didn’t answer and just slowly placed my clothes on feeling degraded.
She gave Anna and I a tour of the location and where not to go or what to do. She said we have 3 meals a day and have activities. We have games and cards and a TV that you have to share with other members on the floor. I am looking around and noticed all the males staring at us. It was only 1 black male and 9 White males. We look at each other and noticed that we were alone for the female end. They were introducing themselves the best way they can.
My mind I am wondering where we were sleeping and hoping we have the same room because I can’t share with these horny men in here. She showed us our room and it was small like my college dorm and we shared a shower and bathroom in our room.
Mean Nurse: Make your self at home! Dinner will be here soon.
I sat in my bed and look outside the window and notice a basketball court. So I got excited but found out that we can’t use it. It is only for the people that work here. I just sat in my room and tried to register this the best way I can.
I went to make a phone call and told my mom where I am located now (While holding back my tears) telling here about my experience so far.
Meaning Behind Your Smile 