Bang Bang is all I heard on the door and I’m thinking to myself not this again. The nurse came in, the one I definitely hate. She comes in to take my blood pressure and my temperature and I’m thinking to myself why do you have to do this every night and especially while I’m sleepy. So I asked the nurse why do we have to go through this and
She said we have to make sure that our sleep patterns are the same and that our blood pressure is not high while we’re sleeping. Certain things happen while we’re sleeping so we try to make sure everybody is safe.
I call bulls**t but you know I just let them do their job. So once you wake me up I’m up so I went to the common area and waited for everybody else to get up and for our breakfast to be served.
I’m crossing my fingers hoping it’s something good. So I gravitate towards the pencils and the crayons and a blank sheet of paper and started drawing because I know that this will calm me down and make me sain again. I’m starting to hear people get up and hearing people complain that they’re hungry I don’t blame them because our dinner was trash so hopefully, they can surprise is with some type of omelet with some peppers, tomatoes, and bacon or at least some type of meat that’s real you know or at least some cereal brand that I can understand and know that it doesn’t have raisins in it because I hate raisins. Bishop and Andrew come in and said Hey Eliza how are you doing and I said I’m doing fine. Andrew comes over to me and asks me do I wanna play Uno I said sure. I know how I am, I’m very competitive but I try to make sure that I don’t break people’s confidence over a game so I let him win. I noticed that my mental strength is a little stronger than most but I tried to make sure that people’s self-esteem is not put down by a simple card game. So during a game when I had an opportunity to get UNO, I just kept picking up cards saying that I don’t have this color. It was fun playing games like checkers and chess then later drawing; it was very relaxing.
Breakfast was served and I’m crossing my fingers that it’s something good and look what you see it’s the pancake from McDonald’s that you warm up in a microwave and eggs that look like they were frozen solid but warm up Barely because I can still see an icicle in one of my roommate’s food. I ask can mines be warmed up and the lady said yes I can warm it up again for you. I said thank you!
While inside, there’s a set schedule that goes around:
1. Eat breakfast
2. You sit in a common area and socialize.
3. Participate I group session
4. Eat Lunch then repeat step 2 & 3
5. Eat Dinner then repeat step 2 & 3
6. Bed
They have basically written down your behaviors and without you being in a common area they can’t see how you ack with other people or with the nurses. the can’t evaluate you The faster they can evaluate you the faster you can get out. So I went to listen to some music on a radio trying to see if they had any station that I would enjoy. Later people were coming into the room trying to enjoy the music also since there was nothing on TV.
Then the nice nurse came in, I really love seeing her, it makes me feel safe – it makes me feel like someone cares.
She comes in and asks me is everything OK how was your night.
I said it’s OK I wish I was at home but you know how that is.
She said a good therapy session is about to start and its a group session that everybody talks about the topic you would want to participate in.
I asked when am I gonna see the doctor so I can get an evaluation
She said I will see when you’re scheduled for, but here’s my advice you need to sit around the common area socialize and get involved with any activities that they have for us because that’s gonna get you out here faster you have to play the game to get out.
I said what game wait I’m confused.
She said I noticed that you are mentally ill but not ill enough to be in here. You are the type of person that just needs a therapist and maybe someone to talk to rebuild your self-esteem. Some people in here are self-harm or to each other and I don’t see that with you. all I see is a bright future out there for you especially everything that you told me, what you have accomplished for your age. So I need you to play the game be socialize have a great evaluation and get out as fast as you can.
I told her I appreciate her advice
This means she cares – she’s helping me – she knows that I need help but not this type of help and the only thing that I rather do right now is to try to get out so I’m gonna listen to every advice she provided.
The therapist comes into the group session but everybody is not participating but I try to make sure that I’m participating as much as possible talking and responding to everything that she has to say. The 1st session was about reactions so she had us read a scenario and say how would you have reacted to this scenario. The scenarios that would maybe get somebody stressed out or kill themself. She wanted us to come up with other options or other ways for people to handle the situations. I tried to participate as much as possible gave at least an option that somebody didn’t bring up or try to think outside the box so people can have other options to choose besides killing themselves or killing that person.
The group appears to loves my answers, to the point that when therapy session was over they came to me for advice. I told them I’m not a certified therapist but if you give me a scenario probably give you my point of view on everything but I don’t want you to take my advice like this the only option that you have there are other pathways to success. Felt great that I helped – I felt that I had the purpose of being here and also learned different types of ways to handle my situations without panicking or even being paranoid. I think I could do this – I think I can get out – I think I can be sained again – be happy again – I think I can be Eliza once again I just got to win this game that’s being played.
Meaning Behind Your Smile 