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Lunch time is here and I’m crossing my fingers that we can eat something decent or atleast warm. I’m mad that we can’t talk on the phone while certain hours of the day. I knew that people were mad that people were calling me and I was holding up the phone line. I always wanted to talk to someone and ask the weather, but I notice certain people couldn’t hold a conversation like they were calling me because they felt guilty or even they felt it was the right thing to do. You can notice the conversation only last a few minutes and the uncomfortable words escaping from their mouth.
This one conversation I had was upsetting, like in the back of head I was like “why did you call.” It was my Dad and was wondering how he got the number when I only gave it to certain people. My mother told him so he can know, I’m not mad at her but just how he handle things. I know I’m a step child but for once I thought you would be able to treat me like your own. I can dream right, Ha.
He called me and asked “why am I in there.” I explained that I’m mentally and emotionally unstable and need help. The next words were confusing, he told me: “well get out, you don’t belong in there and snap out of it.” Only he knew it’s not that easy, just talking to the nurse like im ready to go and walk out the front door. I just let him Express himself, but notice this convo was not for me but for him to vent on the situation. I just let him talk and listened. This was the first and last convo I had.
I’m emotionally over it, it’s been like this since the beginning. But It’s the same relationship like any other step Parent-Child relationship. Knowing that it doesn’t feel the same like I was his own. Him having an option to disown me when he feel like it. Or praise me like he did something good and or something to show off to his family and friends.
After the conversation, I processed it. I wish I can tell you Sorry, I feel the love, I feel that you tried but I know you don’t have to.
Please don’t let anyone tell you different but a father to a daughter or mother to a son relationship does play a huge part in their lives. It’s the part that the other parent can’t provide. The type of love and comfort of a mom or strength and confidence of a dad.
Thank you for that 5 min phone call Dad, it’s shows you do care just don’t know how to in this situation. More than what my Father did! I will soon experience the Step Relationship and always knowing in the back of your head you will always be second to the one you love. Swallowing your pride because they don’t notice that you are being placed in the back burner until you are needed to be placed in front. Knowing you have to do whatever to make sure they are happy because if the child isn’t then you can be replaced in the sake of the the child. I applaud your efforts, the multiple nights of you hurting and can’t Express yourself because just the slight word can damage the whole thing. Then lastly knowing the child can manipulate everything to make you the evil one and convincing their parent to leave because they don’t feel safe or happy but the real reason is because they feel their parent slipping away and don’t want to share.
I thank you!
I love you!
Meaning Behind Your Smile 