Later on in the day I received a note that the doctor was here to examine everyone. I was excited to show that this is a big misunderstanding. The Doctor came over and called me into the room.
So tell me about yourself Eliza…
I’m single from NY and have not kids with a Degree. I work full time and workout 3-4x a week.
Before I could continue he interrupted me and said I don’t want you to think I’m judgemental, what you told me was nice and all but I didnt ask for a dating profile let alone a resume. I felt disrespected but confused at the same time.
Then he asked again tell me about yourself…
I said I was confused Doctor and trying to find out what you are truly asking. He told me to explain why I am here and do you think you should stay l longer. So in the back of my head, I was like he clearly has my file is this reverse psychology – is he waiting for me to match they are saying or catch me in a lie. I have watched too many criminal movies to know that the certain answer can get you out or keep you in longer.
I relaxed and told him how I felt. I am depressed and miserable at home. I live alone and feel like I don’t have any friends. I work constantly long hours and haven’t even celebrated or treated myself on my recent accomplishment of buying a house by myself. I didnt even tell anyone I just kept it to myself and my family. I just got out a relationship that I put my all in and show the love and support to someone that didnt deserve it. Drained me dry until there was nothing left of me and walked away. So Doc I am not ok, I don’t have any confidence or love for myself and this is why I am here.
Doctor said now this is what I needed from you. This was a test to see if you were going to tell me anything just to get out. He reviewed the ot bu wr doctors and nurse evaluation on me from both hospitals. He expressed that I originally said blamed someone else for my incarceration. Do you still feel this way?
My face was like yes but I told him that she was looking out for me. My post on social media was a cry for help not attention. I didnt know where to turn but honestly I never thought I would want to take my life, but just someone to come over and tell me it will be ok. I support others when they need it and when they are struggling but when it comes to my turn it was hard to find someone and I think that shouldn’t be right. I have been to the group sessions and she explained that this feeling I’m having is more of self hate than anything. I need to learn how to self motivate and self love myself before anyone. So when this time comes again you will know what to do to bounce back. It could be a simple as doing a special activity, taking yourself out on a date or even buying that dessert that you can eat while binge watching your favorite shows.
The doctor stopped writing for once and listen to my story. He was touched and said this is a great progress within the few days you have been in here. I am proud of you and I can tell you do have a positive head on your shoulder and want you to keep working. I will come back in 3 days and see how you are doing and then we can talk about releasing you.
I didn’t hear nothing but 3 DAYS. ITS ALREADY WEDNESDAY. I can’t stay here any longer. I just sighed and said ok, shoot there was nothing more I could do or say. It’s just weird that my life is still controlled by others than myself.
Just one phone call, complaint, or even an evaluation can change your life real quick. But I’ve notice you can’t be mad at the reaction YOUR INITIAL ACTION!
Meaning Behind Your Smile 