Well, I wanted to first talk about this one person I started a relationship with. He was out of the ordinary types I would choose. I am used to following the rules and doing what I am supposed to do but this was not someone you would see me matched up with. I just recently have gotten out of a relationship that I never thought would end but you will learn about him later.
He was a music fanatic of the type that has a unique flow of words. The type of music I would not even press play to. But at first, I would have never had put a and b together until I got to know him better.
He has kids, two of them and they didn’t live in the same area as us. I first thought in my head parenthood is not something I am ready for, but I kept an open mind about it and tried it out just to see how things would go. I was able to find out that he smokes, something I don’t do, and don’t try to be around since it irritates my lungs. I was hurt that this man I thought I could be with was slowly being the mistake I made by introducing myself to.
The signs were sitting in throughout the weeks of knowing him and I wasn’t paying attention because I was too caught up with the new flavor of ice cream that I had never tried. This was the type that you bring home to mom just to make her mad but that was not my intention. I soon noticed that this was going down the wrong path. I am not here to bash anyone or even talk bad about anyone. I just wanted to help people maybe learn from my experience.
His kids were the reason why I stayed around. They were not in the right living situation, at first I said that this isn’t my issue but while I’m in the relationship I soon focused on them and not him. I guess I tried to use this as a learning experience from babysitting to feeding to changing diaper or potty training. I love kids and always like to see them laugh or smile. But relationship wise I don’t think this was for me. I do have jealousy issues but don’t want to sound selfish because I’m always going to be third in his life. I don’t know if I should reference the “Parent Trap” but I definitely don’t want the child not to like me and then that would be the decision the parent needs to make to end things. But in the back of mind, they feel jealous also and don’t want to lose their dad. So what if they did try to sabotage what we had. So I had to step away from this situation until I can mature enough for the new responsibilities.
Family Before
-This topic itself was hard to accept because I was not ready to be anyone parent let alone step-parent, that was a huge responsibility at a young age and I am not even able to drink yet, I applaud to anyone that has kids, just having that thought in my head and picturing how everything would be, I would slowly see the picture fading away.
Lesson
-I would try to figure out what you can tolerate as a significant other and slowly introduce the topic before the relationship begins. Maybe find out where the kids are, why they are not together anymore, or even are they ready to move from the mother or father of their kids to start a new relationship with you. Where do you fit in their family? Communication is key. I have dated multiple guys with kids and you can tell the difference.
1. Introducing them early but feel like it was a motive behind dating another woman. Needed custody of the kids and why not find someone on their feet that can help you but didn’t let me know, just feel played at the end. Before I did try to help the legal way but be felt marriage was going to quickly do it and that wasn’t me sorry. Only knowing me for 3 months was not the way. I dismissed myself for this and reasons.
2. Not introducing me at all to keep privacy, but the mother manipulation affected everything. Knowing that he loved his kids so much and will do anything for them. But she tried to keep them away if he didn’t leave me. Made me feel like I never had a chance. I know it’s not his fought just the situation I guess
3. Slow introduction. Respect her time with him so she won’t feel like I’m in the way of their quality time. Try to be a friend and not a mother since she has one already. But I know that’s wrong too, maybe try to be a role model and help him as much as possible. Trying to take it day by day and learn from others. There isn’t any handbook for this. But in the back of my head, I feel like it will end soon because of past experiences.
I love the passion each man had for their kids, willing to do anything for them. But it does get difficult sometimes knowing you will always be in the back burner. Second place in their heart and that it might be what they want, just waiting for the hurtful words “I don’t like her daddy” and I honestly will pack my bags so he doesn’t stress about the decision to make between us. I think I’m so forward with it and ready because they have a relationship I wish I always had with my father and never want to be the one to sabotage something so beautiful.
If you have any advice please share!
Notes
– I took a look at someone’s blog post that gave pointers to the topic.
Meaning Behind Your Smile 