It was like the feeling of getting your test back that you thought you studied hard for and knew you passed with confidence. Then to look at the paper and it’s the complete opposite. So as I sit down and read the paper I realize he proscribed me with medication while being in here. Everyone knows me I am stubborn when it comes to meds. I just don’t want my body to think that I need it to survive. I am stronger than this! Seen so many overdose stories I didn’t want to see anymore. We got a new nurse and she came up to me and asks me to sign some paperwork for me to take my medication before dinner. I ask what does this medication do. I was never told what it was and I would like to know more information about it before I take it. She told me that it’s Anti-depressants because that’s what your doctor told us to give you every day. So the doctor told yall that I am depressed and I need to take these medications to make my day go better.. I am so confused. How does medication make you feel better like I know it’s some type of unbalance stuff inside of me to make feel depressed but I feel like it’s more so this location -no paint on the walls no way to express myself but coloring with crayons is making me more depressed than my own situation outside if here. She got really upset and asked me to just sign the paper and take my medication. Understand that she can be upset if people keep costly asking her questions about the medication and she can’t give us more information about it. But I wanted to talk to her and tried to put her into my shoes and see how she feels about somebody just forcing pills down your throat and you don’t even know what you’re taking now I feel like my life is being threatened. But she didn’t take it that way. She basically told me I have 2 options
• 1st option is to take the medication and signed the paperwork stating that I gave you your medication today. I already didnt like that option so I Definitely asked for another one.
• With an attitude she gave me the 2nd option and told me well you can follow a complaint and take it to court but you won’t be able to leave until your court date is settled and the doctor approves you to leave so this can cause you to stay in here longer.
So I didnt like that one either- I’m not staying here longer period. In the back of my head, I really wanted to think that she’s just saying this so I could take the medication because nobody really wants to stay in here longer. So I asked her can I write down what the medication I’m taking and how much does it is. She compromised so I can get out of her face basically – but I’m not here to start issues I just needed to know some more information. So I wrote it down-took my medication and told my mom on the phone to look up what I’m taking so I can know. After I took the medication I started to feel weird like the world was still
• The feeling like I don’t hear anything
• THE FEELING like I’m just walking around and just in my head.
I don’t hear anything that is going on all around me and I just feel like I’m just dizzy like I just hit my head but I’m walking fine. I don’t know how to explain this like a drunk type of feel but you know when you’re drunk you really don’t feel pr at least you don’t remember. It was a feeling I just don’t think I would want any more. I was just looking at things like I was high but I wasn’t on drugs -but technically I was. Am I high is this what everybody feels when they smoke or take prescription medicine. I was even looking at the juice machine like I never have seen a juice machine before. WTF!
I try to bounce back but it just made me have no energy
• made me feel like I don’t wanna do anything
• made me feel like the total opposite of how I want to feel it
• made me feel like I just wanted to lay in my bed and look out the window.
This is weird, I look at the rain and said I can feel it. Just one pill made me feel like this. I don’t see it, I don’t see how I can be me and act like this. Are they saying that being myself is wrong and they are trying to fix it, correct it? I like me that’s all it matters. I got up and tried to fight it. Sat in the room played Uno like a normal day and prayed that this feeling will go away. I don’t want them to kill my spirits I don’t want to be a new Eliza I just…
Meaning Behind Your Smile 