After hearing the news, I didn’t know what to do. I just feel the burst of energy that is keeping me up. Maybe it’s me anxiously waiting for the nurse to say ”Let’s Go!” Once I finally went to sleep, I felt the nurse gently wake me up and let me know that the time I have been waiting for, besides getting out of course, has come. If you could see me getting out of my bed so fast, cleaning myself up like I am going on a first date to meet someone.
While being inside it gave me that feeling of hope, just the little things gave me hope. From something simple as using crayons to color to getting an extra juice box. It will be the little things that people take for granted, that shows that they need to be humbled down. I placed my slides on and packed up my bag, notes and drawings. I asked the nurse if I could say good bye to the guys next door, and she agreed. I know I am not mentally on the same level as some of the guys but I had to show my appreciation and tell them thank you for keeping me company during this journey. I saw some tears and gave some hugs even though we were not able to touch one another. But just that simple friendly affection will push me forward, that simple hug, pat on the back or holding my hand can go a long way. The way I was talking to them was like I was getting out, here are all my snacks and items to remember me by exchange. I had to let them know I am not getting out but moving to a different floor.
Once the goodbyes were done, I finally got the courage to leave. I went to the elevator and all I could see are them waving at me and staring at me through the little window like I left them to rot. At this moment the doors were slowly closing and one tear dropped from my eye, now you know I love Denzel, but that was the last emotion I had left to show.
Yes it hurts to see them leave, but now I have to make new friends but I have to remember that I am here for myself. I should be use to the moving and meeting new people, but I honestly can say I don’t like the process. Telling my story again, slightly trusting new individuals hoping that my neck doesn’t get sliced in the middle of the night.
We finally made it to the floor and all you can see is construction workers in the hallway. This was the floor everyone was talking about, the new remodeled floor with the finer things in life. I didn’t know what to expect so I didn’t get my hopes up. I signed in with the new nurses and saw a familiar face. The one male nurse that let me see his phone to show him my Instagram video, was on this floor. He was the first person to say hello to me and I felt a little releaved. After signing in, he explained that someone will be happy to see you. I am thinking to myself I don’t know anyone here, maybe he has me mistaking by someone else. Then when I went to the common room I saw Anna. The first person I talked to when I first went to the hospital from my home – to her being my roommate in the next hospital – to us being seperated – to now being together again. We hugged like we were long lost sisters.
I was introduced to everyone and noticed that it was like heaven here. They had games that were brand new, people using pencils and pens, unlimited juices and more that one phone to call family. It was so amazing to be here, despite the situation. But like I said before, it is the little things. I honestly felt the warmth and security here and feel like if I have to stay longer, I think I would be ok. The living situation is not that bad. We were able to watch movies and eat popcorn and also the nurses were very friendly. This right here gave me some hope to keep pushing.
ELIZA IT IS GOING TO BE OK!
I immediately called my mom and told her what happened. Tried to explain the new living situation and let her know that I was going to be ok. We spoke to the doctor individually and he explained to me that In order for me to get out, I have to agree to see a therapist weekly and keep taking the medication that I prescribed. I am thinking to myself is that it. Is this all I need to do to get out. I will say yes to it all, if I can lay in my bed again. He approved me to be able to leave tomorrow afternoon after the paperwork is filed. When I tell you I tried so hard to hold my tears back so I wouldn’t show how I truly felt. I stood up and shook his hand out of respect, because in the back of my head I was calling him out of his name. Saying that his license need to be revoked and more. With me standing up and showing him respect is my way of apoligizing to him about all the wrong things I said or thought out of anger.
I didn’t tell Anna what the doctor told me until I heard about hers. She got upset that she has to stay one more day. I told her well at least we will be getting out a the same time. Didn’t want her to get upset that I was getting out before her. Wanted her to feel that it was ok. The nurse guy came in and said congratulations on the release tomorrow. I’m like damn shut up, you just blew my cover just like that. But he explained that he was speaking to the other nurses about my story and they were shocked. That I was so successful at a young age and should be happy and keeping my head up through this. But I explained yes I am grateful for where I am in life but at the end of the day that isn’t what makes me happy. I told them that when I bought my house this year I didn’t celebrate post pictures or even had a smile at signing.
Something like this I should be happy for the accomplishments but I wasn’t. I tried to tell them doesn’t matter how successfully high you get, you will always have issues or unhappiness. Like you can have everything you ever wanted but realizing you are still not happy. But being inside here made me appreciate things more, like a wake up call.
Anna changed the subject so fast and let me know to never forget about her. She let me know how much she has grown being around me and seeing my perspective of life. She want me to have her number so when she gets out she can be able to keep this friendship. I was a little iffy about exchanging numbers because I don’t know how she acts without supervision. But I took the chance and let her have mine, I told her to contact me when she get out.
“DINNER TIME”
Best words to my ears, food and apple juice, while watching a Halloween movie.
it is the little things.
Meaning Behind Your Smile 