After dinner, Anna and I found some games and tried to entertain ourselves before it was time to go to bed. I was enjoying my time with her but the only thing on my mind was:
The exit, the first meal, the first activity anything I could think of outside of these walls.
The nurse pulled me aside to talk to me about discharge. She needed to know who will pick me up because I can’t be left alone.
I can’t Uber? What if I don’t have anyone to come get me, what are my choices? She explained that I will have to stay until a ride can be provided.
Who made these RULES!?
Calm down Eliza, we don’t want to show any type of behavior that them change their mind about you leaving. So I had to make a call to the last person I would want to see at the moment. It sucks living in a state with no help or support.
I called my ex up to see if he was busy tomorrow to come and get me and he said yes. Thank God!
With tomorrow marking a week inside of the facility, I think I overstayed my welcome. All I could think about was my bed and my basketball game. I wanted to rush to bed ASAP! The anxious feeling of leaving kept me up. The feeling of your first day of school and having your new clothes and backpack laid out, waking up before your alarm, then doing extra routines to look your best.
With the amount of time I was here, you would think I would get used to the nurses waking me up in the middle night to check my temperature and blood pressure. But this night was different I woke up before they arrived and was ready for the final routine! Listen I was helping them out 😅
Time was ticking, and I am counting the hours minutes, and seconds like I was in school waiting for the bell to ring.
While I was waiting, I was talking to some of the ladies on the floor in the common area. We were exchanging stories and listed our favorite food restaurants. If you didn’t know already I love to eat. They were naming places I never heard of. I’m just taking notes like I have a final exam tomorrow.
I received a call from the nurses to say “ARE YOU READY.” I ran out of there so fast like the pizza man from Blue Streak. I took my belongings that I gathered up from the week and walked to the elevator. The medical staff was clapping for me and telling me “I don’t want to ever see you again in here.”
With my Chuckie Cheese Smile :), “Trust me you won’t.” I made that a promise to myself I would never try to get myself to this level of insanity. While I was walking to the front door I had the release of negative energy. Thinking about how I got here originally, what have I learned and what do know since I am out.
My ex was waiting at the door, thinking he would bring me flowers or some chocolate or breakfast like he use to do. Only one could hope right, but as much as I thought I was in an endless world there I am back to reality. I sat in his car and rolled down the window, in this cold November weather to stick my head out like a dog on a hot sunny day. Being able to feel the breeze touch my face, the smell of the fresh air, and the snowflakes touching my tongue.
I get yelled at to roll up the window because it was cold, in the back of my head I ignored him and gave him a look like “Let me have this.” I stared at the side mirror as I saw my face and smiled.
NOW ELIZA, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT?
I need a ball.
*Whistle blows*
Meaning Behind Your Smile 